Wasn’t it just yesterday when I sat fidgeting on the third floor of orphanage #20? I rose to my giddy feet as I heard them making their way. I don’t remember the woman holding him or how many stood there. But I do remember taking him out of her arms, black curls galore and those big brown eyes. My #1.
Two years later and #2 came along. Trying to rule the roost from the beginning, telling me when I could sleep, demanding to eat, and then stealing my heart with those blues. Not much has changed. My girl!
About the time she started toddling we decided, what’s one more? Besides, I was always more of a zone girl than man to man, stick me in the paint! So that’s what happened. And #3, he broke me. I was no longer the have it all together mama. I stopped caring if their clothes matched and started just hoping they had on underwear (not much has changed). #3 broke out of orphanage #13 with a smile on his face and arms around my neck.
And I thought we were finished.
I was wrong. So wrong.
Because #4 made his arrival. Nashville thought they were celebrating New Years but really it was how #4 does things, always with a bang. He has improved my agility faster than any box square jumps ever could.
So, when the thought of #5 came along, some questions rolled in too. Are we crazy? Can we afford this? When will we have time to do everything required? Will #4 be jealous? Will she call #2 mom, or me? What about #3, do I have enough hugs to go around? And that #1, I’ve never met a big bro like him, will he love her the same way he loves the rest? Do I have to get a van?
So let me answer those for you… Yes. Hands down, without a doubt, we are crazy. It’s wild around here. I question my sanity quite often. But somewhere in the chaos, Jesus whispers, “This kind of crazy beats quiet, starving, and empty. This crazy is better on any day. Go ahead Linds., be crazy. It’s what sets the lonely in families.”
Can we afford it? I just look myself in the mirror and say what I’ve said to others asking the same questions, “My God owns the cattle on a thousand hills!” Enough said. Oh, and buy a t-shirt from us, I’ll make sure they’re the soft kind.
Time? When will I have time? Who knows! I grab some here and there and trust that our social workers are keeping me straight. We are 6 months in and just now starting to see the light at the end of the homestudy. You can’t rush a good thing.
Van? What? Do I have to get a van? Aw naw. Put a big “X” over that one. Mama ain’t drivin’ a minivan. The Buick has one bucket seat left.
So what’s the scoop? Our sweet girl will come from India, she will be under 3, we are hoping closer to age 1. Her name will be Hadassah Joyce. Hadassah being Esther’s Jewish name and Joyce after my Meemaw (the one I miss more than anything in the world). We will call her Haddi Joy.
Why India? I remember reading about the poverty there, seeing some pics, and sitting in my warm cozy living room and crying. The poverty in India shreds me and I haven’t even seen it with my bare eyes yet. Once I started looking into the program, it seemed like a great fit for our large, self-employed family. They do not break birth order and that has always been important to me. The process takes 12-18 months (so she should be home in 2019). It is one trip that is between 7-10 days. Also, elephants are ridden in the street…and that might be on my bucket list.
I’m confident that #4 will adjust, although I’ll still tell him he’s my baby. #2 will squeal, she has begged for a little sister, and who doesn’t need a mini little mama walking around? (Pretty sure she’s old enough to change diapers now) There will still be hugs for #3, maybe he’ll even hug her instead of a headlock. (Let me dream, people!) That #1, he’ll rock the big bro card yet again, nothing in my mind doubts it.
And #5, we are waiting. With prayers lifted to the One whose eyes are on her. With preparations of pinks, turquoise, and llamas. With a Pinterest board titled “India Bound”. Yes, we are bound. For a far away land. With one who will be brought near. Bound for Haddi Joy. Mama and Daddy are coming for you…#5.